don't panic!: life's missing manual 2 by hart christopher

Author:hart, christopher [hart, christopher]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: chris hart
Published: 2015-07-30T16:00:00+00:00

infidelity

S ome affairs are completely unintentional. You just get caught up in the moment. Both men and women. And especially drinkers. But afterwards, it feels like your life’s changed for ever – and for sure it has. Mostly though, people decide they made a stupid mistake and never stray again. Some go home and analyse their marriage to death. Others get hooked...

Sometimes an affair starts because you’ve fallen in love. Not because you’ve met somebody wonderful, more likely because you’re going through a crisis. Like one of the turning points in life – a job success, business failure, the death of a parent or your last child leaving home.

For some reason, these romantic affairs happen more often in good marriages than bad ones – and usually with someone really inappropriate. Like with big problems in their lives. But being in love’s so exciting that nothing else seems to matter – briefly. They generally burn out though – leading on the way to lots of divorces and murders. But very few successful remarriages.

Both men and women are just as likely to fall in love, but men go crazier and are far more likely to abandon their children. For women it’s all about the feelings of being in love, and they’re pretty much in control of what they’re doing.

Affairs last longest in bad marriages. OK, all marriages have rough edges – but some become truly awful. So you start an affair to help you cope. And though affairs wreck good marriages, they often stabilise bad ones – and can get really complicated. Like men who keep the same mistress through several wives. Or women who support their unemployed husbands and kids by being the mistress of an older man...

And then there’s the rogues. Almost all male, they’re often cruel, abusive, violent and don’t actually like woman much. So they spend their lives endlessly seducing them with their strength, power and wealth. They’re charming, have no trouble finding women to abuse, and think they’re only doing what all men would do if they weren’t such wimps.

Men who get caught are generally honest about the sex but vague about their emotions. They say they love their wives and their new squeeze means nothing. A woman usually says she doesn’t love her husband and her new man’s the love of her life. That it’s OK to have an affair with a man if she loves him, and to lie to her husband if she doesn’t. She’ll insist there’s no sex, even while admitting she’s deeply in love. And she’s much more likely to worry about the effect of an affair on her children than on her husband.

But both men and women will forgive a spouse’s affair – and fight to hold on to a marriage. Despite claiming in advance that they wouldn’t. But only if the affair stops, is brought into the open and dealt with. Both can get violent, especially if the affair’s denied or continues. Infidelity’s very very common – but always unbelievable messy, unpredictable and risky.

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